Music played with feeling of hate , is not a music...

You can't see any words right? It's because I hide it. People hide their true feelings and tend to smile in front of  the others, just like what I did before...

 Sometimes, I wonder, why do I force myself to do so far?  I guess I knew the answer, but, it just, I would keep on asking myself whenever I remembered something about the past...

And, what remind me of the past, are sad musics, with sad melodies...

I believe, what's pushing me to learn all those instruments, are those memories, when I tried to peek in them, it hurts... 

I once think, I am useless, because I don't know a single thing related music, and not to even talk about playing any instruments.. in the end, I was being left there by you ( The truth is, I was wrong, that should not be the reason, I am just not right for you)..... and now, I've accepted the fact but still trying dead hard to learn music...

Maybe by learning them, I can feel better? Or it is simply a sort of  way to cheat myself, so that I am not me? Or am I trying to be him?

You will stay happy, with him, he is a nice person, I can tell.

I know. it's tough to forgot something or someone which/who is once important to you... However, you can try not to think of it, so that it would not tear your heart. I am a boy, who never take single music lesson before, yet now I know how to bring out the sad songs with real feelings... I once hate myself, that's why I learn music.. yes with hate, you can learn really fast, it urges you not to fail and give up ... but the music, just doesn't sounds right, even every notes you hit is perfect. 

But for now, that's all past...Heal up wound teaches man to be stronger, grow up boy get to know what's more important and learn to be mature enough, to judge the outcomes behind his act. I hope 1 day, you can see the different me... and to me, the old days do not matter anymore. The music I played would be sad, but I swear hate would be gone by then...