我很自卑

 如果你认为你不喜欢我，就请你别读我部落格。因为我不希望有误会。很多事情是写给自己的，所以不会为了你而改柔我的用字，请见谅。


I want to prove myself so badly. Once my heart is deeply thorn apart and I fix it this way, I couldn't think of more.
Or maybe God has his plan.


December, everyday is busy as buzzes, couldn't help it, I have to sacrifice more to get more. That's the rule of equalization exchange.


First I want to start earning sum bucks then most things would be easier to go on. I plan to start off a company at the age of 20, that is when I am ready for it, who speaks the word impossible? haha well, actually haven heard 1 coz I have been hiding it under the bed. Learning the skills already, to be armed in the future. During these two years I hope I am able to find people who are accountable to this task, it's not easy to get something out at the beginning, the old man knows. A good team will do, but alone wouldn't harm either. 2 years of preparations to bulk up into a good conditions.


Studying everyday already, aiming at the higher , so that you drops a little beneath it. That's logic. Should work harder and focus more on my revisions. Or else, I will be doomed in next year. I do not allow myself to eat shits. 


Having physical training almost everyday now, I want to improve myself more, including appearance. 1 more thing is coz I think of what Jun Kai told me before, you want to success, you bring your health along, don't be like Jobs, he said. So, I am doing this to stiff up my body and trying to turn it into good shapes. Big challenge for me but nevermine, I would not give up. Appearance, I believe look is the easiest thing to deal with, studying in SDJ wouldn't allow me to do that, hair sikit panjang pun tak boleh= = I know what to do lar... no need you to say,zzz  if you put in effort, who also can become Korean style what~ But I don't think it is really necessary for now. Fuck those people who select pretty cover books. I will be one and see what can I do differently than you.


Music, give me some time. I am already putting efforts in it. Really need time to learn a lot of skills. 


Next year or maybe following years , I am going to participate in those inventors competitions. Try, I try not to miss any competition so that experience is gathered and lumped big. I want to be one of the greatest. And , I have already swore that I would help the weaks and least fortunate. I must have enough resources to do so. No choice, I have to do my best and work hard.


I will not allow myself to show off anything I have, to be proud and money minded, I want myself to stay away from these. I need to learn more to be wise. And temper, need to be handle ,too.


I cherish all the bonds of friendships I have now, but judge correctly what should be accepted and not to. Success would not wash memories of you guys away I swore. You guys are the best thing I have.


我想把有钱，帅气，不失人格，握微名利，持小权利，有才华，亲情爱情都得到的郑绥勋打造出来。我有在努力，时间应该能给予答复吧。曾经很自卑，现在也一样，自卑是种可怕的动力。你会一直跟自己和过去较量，反而不会要和他人比较，因为知道自己永远比不上他人，就是这个感觉。希望有个人能够理解者这种痛苦。


我不是完美主义者。真的，我的画风可以证明，开始乱七八糟最后才看得见东东。。。


谢谢那些鼓励我的朋友，当我是朋友的，真的很开心又你们。


啊好累，不知不觉四点钟了= =